Thursday, July 8, 2010

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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

An Open Letter to Your Online Persona…

Dear Online Character,

I know your type quite well. You log on the internet with your fabricated personality, either spreading inspirational quotes or putting down others. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Do you even KNOW who YOU are, or are you beginning to believe your own hype?

You’ve even went as far as creating a blog that NOBODY checks for, where you write about your life that NOBODY cares about. Even your fictional stories about your own life aren’t interesting enough to hold an audience.

These people online are NOT your friends. With friends, you can share your good AND bad qualities. While online, you only share your good sides and MAKE UP a better side of yourself. A better side of yourself, that’s STILL not YOU. Therefore, its NOT a better side of yourself. It’s a faker side of your ALREADY fake self.

You are quick to give advice to others on their situations, while YOUR situation is fucked up. How dare you, bitch? Have you been living your online personality’s life so long that you have split personalities? When you meet someone in the real world, do you introduce yourself as your online login name too?

I pray for you. I don’t pray for you to gain knowledge. I pray for you to die a fast death. With global warming, oxygen is a commodity. There is no reason or use for YOU… THE BOLD, THE FAKE…

-Sincerely Yours,
Nova Giovanni

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

OH! You Tryna Kick Knowledge?!?!

The first subject of this conversation is the Intelligent Bum. You KNOW who they are! They spend their days on Twitter, Facebook, or any other social networking site – spreading inspirational quotes to us all. Meanwhile, they are 30 years old, unemployed, living with their parents, and on a weekly allowance. They don’t even have a bank account, but love giving business tips. They are knowledgeable in a wide array of subjects. OF COURSE they are! They have nothing else to do but read useless information throughout the day, then flex their brain power online. BITCH, YOU AINT DEEP!!!

Next, there is the Pro-Black online personality. They are usually light-skinned and spend nights trying to decipher hidden meanings in ‘The Boondocks’ episodes. This online personality expresses their hate for the way the media portrays Black people. However, they watch ALL of Hollywood’s new movies so they can complain about the underlying racial connotations. They love to suggest books nobody else has read or cares to read. They complain about how America is an unfair, racist nation, oppressing Black people. CARRY, YO ASS BACK TO AFRICA!!!

Last but not least, there is the Lonely Relationship Expert. They give relationship tips to others, while they sleep with a teddy bear in their arms and a pillow stuffed between their legs every night. Whenever you ask them about why they are single, they give you an excuse like- “I have standards, and I’m not willing to settle.” These are the people that want all of their friends single and lonely, so they can share the experience together. BE MISERABLE BY YOURSELF, LONELY BITCH!!!