My First Groupie... Part 1...

I’ve got a story to tell…

I met my first groupie… yea, mama, I did that :-/


I can’t recall how she knew me or WHERE she heard about me, but she was SO supportive. She told me, “Nova, when you come to ________ - don’t stay in a hotel, stay with me. I’ve even got Froot Loops.” Lord knows that Nova Giovanni is a sucker for Froot Loops. At first, I was hesitant to deal with her since she knew so much about me and I knew nothing about her. So she took me to a restaurant where SHE paid the bill. Patron drinks with the salt around the rim of the glass (I forgot what it’s called) and tilapia. She claimed to be a model, but I wish pictures were scratch-n-sniff, because she smelled like ramen noodles. Then she came back to my hotel, used the bathroom, and left it smelling like salmon cakes. I thought to myself “Nova, don’t fuck her… I’ve never smelled a yeast infection before… but her pussy smells kinda yeasty.” Needless to say, I dodged her that weekend. For the sake of this article, we will call her Rachel. In fact, we’ll call her ‘Ratchet Rachel.’

A few weeks later, the devil must have been hard at work – because I was back in Ratchet Rachel’s city, and she KNEW! Rachel must have been a used car salesman, because she SURE was persuasive. In fact, she DOES work at a used car lot. She said, “why spend your money on a hotel, when you can stay with me… AND you can eat FROOT LOOPS?”

I walked in her place, and immediately knew it wasn’t my type of environment. Even though she lived alone, she had a full house… of roaches. A roach bit me on my ankle, then backed up and began throwing up gang signs at me. I used the rest-room, and saw cockroaches bungee jumping into the toilet with dental floss around their waists.
ANNOUNCEMENT: I have a ROACH PHOBIA! When I was a baby, a roach bit me on my nipple and milk squirted into my eyes – that’s why I wear glasses now…
The black and brown roaches in her place were beefing with the ALL brown roaches. I was taking a shit, and witnessed a gang-related roach jumping on her bathroom sink….

…To be continued….